If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
