His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
