really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
