He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Help. Why am I so naked?
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