i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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