Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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