New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
