You just made me feel so damn special
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
