I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
