The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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