i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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