Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
