too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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