her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
