He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
