At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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