Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
