Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
