why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
