im about as happy as oj after his trial
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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