a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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