I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
