Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
