are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
