One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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