so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
