Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
