You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
