Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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