i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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