I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
