You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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