Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
