You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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