Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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