thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
