craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
