the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
