If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
