google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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