We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize