i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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