are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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