So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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