she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
