i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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