He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Damn victory sex feels great
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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