my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
