a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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