For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
