just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
