Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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