It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
