I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize