I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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