Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
