I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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