it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
