I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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