She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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