Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
